Losing My Hair to Chemo – Breast Cancer
I began to notice more hair in my brush on day 14 after my first chemotherapy treatment. The next day made me laugh compared to the amount I thought I was losing the day before. I’ve always been a very hairy young lass. Always thanked my Grandpa’s Czech genes for that…hairy little monkey back and all since I was born. I’ve always had hair. I looked like Don King when I was born!!
So this photo is how long I’ve ever let my hair grow to. Ava was just 6 weeks old here…this was the last shot of it before I left 5 minutes later to chop off nearly all of my hair into what I’ve worn over the next 5 years!
When life seems to be out of your hands, the one thing you can control is your hair. Cutting my hair was a hidden therapy. Over the past five years I had dealt with, and come to terms with, a shit ton bullshit I had ignored and swept under a rug. Finally, this past summer/fall I was on the road to recovery of unearthing that old Alyssa and breaking out of the faux shell I created when I moved down here to Louisville. It was after my dear Uncle Georgie passed when I realized how damn precious life really is. That’s when I changed my mind and ran full speed ahead and decided to really grow my hair out and back to my old self. About 4 weeks later I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.
When I learned early this year I would have to go through chemotherapy..it was devastating. I had been expecting it to fall out..that’s the course of nature with these drugs. I was just honestly naive to the thought it would actually happen to me. The wooly mammoth who has a five o’clock shadow on her legs from that morning’s shave. The hair on my head tho, It’s not just hair to me. It’s the fact of everything I had come to at this point in life. At the point to let life grow and stop controlling it. You cannot control life, you can just adjust your sails
I get it. I get what people mean when they tell me that “it’s just hair”. But really, it’s the sign I was coming back to life. Don’t sit there and try to tell me that looks don’t matter. I wasn’t attached to my hair in a narcissistic way..this was my private symbol. It gave me inner strength. Don’t tell me what else I can get strength from..I have it. I’m mourning and I’ll get over it.
I actually got over losing my hair once I stepped out of the salon. It was absolutely freeing. Super freaking cold. My head has never experienced such coldness. Even when I took a hot shower, the hot water on my back..my bare head was evaporating the water and was quickly freezing. People. KEEP HATS ON YOUR BALD BABIES…My Good Lord. LOL!
Here is a compilation of stills and video from Thursday when I went to my hair stylist, Breezy Dowel’s salon. Make sure your volume is on…maybe grab a tissue..
(Click the box to make this video full-screen)
21 Responses to “Losing My Hair to Chemo – Breast Cancer”
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You are beautiful. Just stunning.
BRAVE!!!! Love ya Alyssa.
thank you for sharing Alyssa~and I needed more than one tissue xxxoo
Way to take ‘control’! You are very brave and amazing….and it IS ok to be pissed off and sad about this ‘loss’ of your hair, but I am sure you will not allow it to DEFINE you! Keep fighting on…..
Thank you for all you do and who you are – truly an inspiration Alyssa!
For every woman her hair is her identity so when it is gone she doesn’t know who she has become. The eyes are on the other hand let you see into someones sole, and you have great eyes girl!
Oh, my……does this bring back memories. I cried as I watched your expressions and I could feel the emotion from you, Will & your Mom – it’s not something we do alone and thank goodness for that! I’m not sure who it impacts more, us or our family. But, it truly is freeing isn’t it??? My beautiful, long, wavy blonde hair was my signature all through life – BUT, IT IS ONLY HAIR! The beginning of the end of cancer and when it comes back it’s a completely new type of strength – believe me…..
I just want to take the chance to Thank You for being such a amazing person. If there is one thing that I hope I can have through the rest of my life as I raise my two boys, is to have 1% of your strength, courage, and perseverance! God Bless You Alyssa!! You are a hero!
I cried so hard. That was one of the hardest things I had to go through. You are soooo beautiful. And I don’t even know you, but I’m so proud of you! God bless your courage. God bless you and your family through these hard times. Turn your eyes upon Jesus. He is there for you.
I’m stunned and uplifted. you are amazing. thank you
You never cease to amaze me. You are so giving to the human heart to share this most intimate moment with all of us. Thank-You Alyssa.
Hard, but truly understandable. Emotions of loss and hope all at the same time. Love you!
You are BEAUTIFUL!! Thanks for sharing. XXXOOO
My dear, there are not words to express how truly beautiful you are. Inside and out, AP. Absolutely stunning.
I am just sobbing. It is still so raw the memories. Cancer strips you, but you will build yourself back again. I am so proud of you. Prayers are with you. Your hair will come back about 6 weeks after chemo better than ever. Fight like a girl Alyssa. lis
Thank you for sharing that moment…I remembered when I had to make that decision. I was so grateful that my daughter-in-law was brave enough to cut my hair in my kitchen. My son, who is my pride and joy, also needed a cut that day. He went first and then my turn. To watch his face and see that it was ok, made me feel like I was ok. He still looks at me with love, with or without hair. Family support means so much and as you know they will go to the ends of the earth to help you through anything. God Bless you Alyssa and Thanks again for sharing everything you are going through. We pray for you always!
You are truely one amazing woman!!! You look BEAUTIFUL with or without hair!
I wish I could give u a big hug right now! U r so gorgeous. With or without hair. So glad u warned us to get tissue. Definitely needed some! Thinking about u lots. Xoxo
Heroes are made not born you are the light that help the ones that are in the dark about Cancer continues to shine for all that are in the dark God even says Let their be LIGHT…………. Thank you for being a hero to many
Alyssa, My girl Robyn and I went thru this last year. I woke up at 4:30 A.M. to her crying, and holding clumps of hair in her hands. I took her by the hand and led her to the shower, where I cut off her hair, and shaved her head bald. We both sobbed terribly, but we needed to get rid of the distraction, and get on with the healing. 18 chemo treatments later, (her last one is this Wed.), 2 months of radiation, and, thank God, she is cancer free!!! Her strength has been incredible. She looked more beautiful in my eyes without hair, as I knew why she was that way, and what it took to get her there. Your beauty shines thru in this web page, and video, and we will be keeping you in our prayers. God bless you, and your Uncle George. We miss him dearly.
looks so familiar. you did so good. truth be told, on that side by side of you at the salon, i like the shaved head better! ha! you look gorgeous. do not ever be ashamed of that head. you are no different than you were the day before. just like my sister was, you are one beautiful badass.xoxo