Losing My Hair to Chemo – Breast Cancer
I began to notice more hair in my brush on day 14 after my first chemotherapy treatment. The next day made me laugh compared to the amount I thought I was losing the day before. I’ve always been a very hairy young lass. Always thanked my Grandpa’s Czech genes for that…hairy little monkey back and all since I was born. I’ve always had hair. I looked like Don King when I was born!!
So this photo is how long I’ve ever let my hair grow to. Ava was just 6 weeks old here…this was the last shot of it before I left 5 minutes later to chop off nearly all of my hair into what I’ve worn over the next 5 years!
When life seems to be out of your hands, the one thing you can control is your hair. Cutting my hair was a hidden therapy. Over the past five years I had dealt with, and come to terms with, a shit ton bullshit I had ignored and swept under a rug. Finally, this past summer/fall I was on the road to recovery of unearthing that old Alyssa and breaking out of the faux shell I created when I moved down here to Louisville. It was after my dear Uncle Georgie passed when I realized how damn precious life really is. That’s when I changed my mind and ran full speed ahead and decided to really grow my hair out and back to my old self. About 4 weeks later I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.
When I learned early this year I would have to go through chemotherapy..it was devastating. I had been expecting it to fall out..that’s the course of nature with these drugs. I was just honestly naive to the thought it would actually happen to me. The wooly mammoth who has a five o’clock shadow on her legs from that morning’s shave. The hair on my head tho, It’s not just hair to me. It’s the fact of everything I had come to at this point in life. At the point to let life grow and stop controlling it. You cannot control life, you can just adjust your sails
I get it. I get what people mean when they tell me that “it’s just hair”. But really, it’s the sign I was coming back to life. Don’t sit there and try to tell me that looks don’t matter. I wasn’t attached to my hair in a narcissistic way..this was my private symbol. It gave me inner strength. Don’t tell me what else I can get strength from..I have it. I’m mourning and I’ll get over it.
I actually got over losing my hair once I stepped out of the salon. It was absolutely freeing. Super freaking cold. My head has never experienced such coldness. Even when I took a hot shower, the hot water on my back..my bare head was evaporating the water and was quickly freezing. People. KEEP HATS ON YOUR BALD BABIES…My Good Lord. LOL!
Here is a compilation of stills and video from Thursday when I went to my hair stylist, Breezy Dowel’s salon. Make sure your volume is on…maybe grab a tissue..
(Click the box to make this video full-screen)