Post Op: Axillary Lymph Removal + Pathology Results
Long time no blog, eh?!
Let’s bring it back to the day before surgery-Wednesday, January 16th. The day is nice out. Liam is in school, Ava is home with a fever. I do my best to live my day as normal as can be, just trying not think about tomorrow. But something is building up inside and I can’t pin-point it. I bring Ava to Papaw, my father-in-law Bill, and Liam is already at the school with Mamaw, my mother-in-law Julie. One of the many awesome parts about my in-laws, is they both work at the kid’s school! They’ve been super incredible help over the past couple months as well. Anytime I have an appointment, I want Bj and my Mom with me and they can take the kids anytime. I really love them both as if they were my own parents. It’s hard to find someone who actually enjoys their in-laws <3
Bj was working lat that night to take the day off tomorrow. He came in at 7:30am and closes up shop around 7pm at Big Frog Custom t-shirts. Mom and I are sitting at the table and I’m still feeling so off. I start telling her about it and I notice I’m crying. I’m crying because of how far I came from the bilateral mastectomy surgery. How effing hard that was to overcome and here I am not even a month later about to go under the knife again. I’ve been climbing up this 90˚cliff by my teeth. I took a walk one week before because I was so pissed off. I missed running. I needed that release. Running organizes my mind. Screw getting in shape, I honest to God run to organize my chaotic artistic brain. I changed as soon as I got home, my eyes full of tears just getting back from another damn appointment…tears not from the appointment in general..tears of fcking frustration. I grabbed my phone and my headphones and said “Hey Mom, I’m going for a walk. I have my phone if you need me.” I grabbed some kleenex incase a song came on that I needed to bawl to. OH! This felt good. I decided I was going to walk as far as I could til’ I didn’t know where I was anymore. Fuck Cancer. Fuck you.
I look over as I’m passing a farm. “..but it was only a fantasy” as the lyrics from Pink Floyd’s “Hey You” float through my mind, and I see this cow moo at me. I stop. It stands up. I cross the street and walk to it. It comes close to the fence. I have no background with cows, so I was a little nervous. I stuck my hand over the fence to let him smell me. I think he wanted grass, but he sniffed my hand and so I reached over and pet his head. It was a really neat moment the cow and I shared..all the cows and horses then came to see what the fuss was all about with this human.
(Will just said, “Where did you find that cool cow picture?” LOL..I TOOK it!! This is the cow!)
As I got about 3 miles out, I felt my chest tighten. Hard. I said out loud now, FUCK YOU CANCER. You DON’T own me. So I walked faster. I knew this wasn’t the right way to treat my body, my chest wasn’t used to this exercise and the surgery probably made it even worse. I walked about 200 more feet and turned around. I came home, dizzy as hell, about to faint. Mom made me some pb&j after I scarfed that down, I passed out under my heated blanket. “Wake up, lovey.” Mom says “It’s time to go.” Damnit. These damn appointments. This was for an echo-cardiogram and an ultrasound of my “angry” lymph node under my arm. (Those results came back just fine..the echo is routine to measure how strong your heart is before chemo and they keep monitoring as you progress)
**Back to the night before surgery..
I also cried because I had to send my kids off again. Having my Mom or in-laws take care of my kids breaks my heart. I don’t feel like a Mommy, but a child. I know this is ridiculous of me to think..but I am human, and this is something I was stuffing down deep and ignoring. I would have to have my kids be taken care of again after I got out of surgery..how long this time? It made me feel awful. I know, I know..whatever. But this had really upset me.
So bam. Surgery morning. 4:45am and I wake up with a stomach-ache. A little unusual for me. I don’t typically get the willies before a surgery or anything, so I wasn’t sure what was going on. We get to the hospital..same thing as last time. Check in, go here, sit there, undress, pee in a cup, sit here, get weighed..let’s IV you. I was watching “I love Lucy” this time, so during the 25 minutes of my tiny stubborn veins failing me, the nurse finally got one. I start to get hot. I didn’t even want a warm blanket. I start to burp. I feel nauseous. What the heck is going on? Am I really that nervous? NO. I’m mad. Even the smell of the hospital didn’t welcome me. I LOVE the smell of hospitals. The last time I was at the hospital tho, it changed my physical body..and now I was becoming physically ill.
The nurse peeks her head into my tiny waiting ward room, after what has already been an hour of waiting, and tells me it will be another hour. An emergency surgery came through and my room was being used. Dr. Berg comes in. My sickness immediately goes away and I am happy again. I love this man! He always makes SURE I know everything that is about to happen, how I feel about it and any other questions I might have. And he’s only 32, so he talks to me in normal terms and understands “my talk”…do I have a talk? wth lol??! I have my own “Alyssa” talk and I am pretty educated in what is happening through all of this, and I think he enjoys that.
Me and Dr. Berg just before surgery!
He spent about twenty minutes going over everything in detail..what the lymph nodes do, what they are for, what happens when they are removed…a very patient man. As he leaves, the nurse comes back in and shows me what is about to be put in me for chemo. A power port. An implanted port is a central line that has a round shape and is placed under the skin. It is used for long-term IV access for:
- Medicine
- Fluids
- Liquid Nutrition
- Blood Samples
This little guy was implanted just under my left collar bone. That purple long tube was inserted into my large blood vessel that either will go directly to my heart or is right by my heart. This is were all of the chemo medicine will go in. Do you see those little numbs on the circle disk? Those are there to be felt under the skin so the nurse can feel where to put the needle in, right in the middle. Quite awesome I think!! No more dumb ass stubborn little veins to deal with. All this was implanted in the same surgery.So, it’s almost time to go. I’m on my phone trying to stay calm and keep you peeps updated.
And we’re off
Now. This time I did NOT have any “happy juice” going into the surgery, like I did last time. So here I am, observing everything for the first time. Two nurses are bringing me down corridor after corridor. It gets colder and colder. I am wheeled into my room. I see a looooong skinny table covered in blue with tons of shiny metal things. The room has some music playing in the background..probably one of those music stations that “anyone” can listen to without being offended by anything. They slide my bed next to the operation table..which is a little bit more narrow than the one I’m on. They ask if I can get on the table myself. I expect that most patients get onto the surgery table with their arms..well, I don’t think they knew that I just had a double mastectomy about 3 weeks ago, and my arms and chest were still sore. So I knelt up on the table and knee’d on over to the other table…meanwhile my entire backside completely open to the anesthesiologist…!! I didn’t care. I hear them chatter behind me “Well, that was the first time I’ve seen anyone get onto a table like that!” LOL. As I’m laying there, so many unfamiliar faces surround me and talk flat to me..then I look over and see Dr. Berg! And he has his Bengal’s skull cap on! (I gave him crap about that last time..) 
Once I saw him, I was fine again. I said, “Hey!” He looks at me and see’s that I am smiling and smiles back..a little surprised. I ask him, “Ready to do this?” as he walks in closer to me he replies back, “I sure am!” I said, “Okay let’s go!” and put my hand up and he returned the five. He said that he never had someone give him a pre-surgery high-five..!! As the anesthesiologist is giving me the meds to knock me out, I’m slowly asking him “So if I’m completely knocked out, but feel pain..how can you tell?” He told me that he would be able to see that on the monitor by how my heart is reacting….then I peacefully fall asleep.
I wake up almost clear as a bell and look up to see a man and a woman nurse bringing me back to the recovery room. I look up as the man is talking to me and he says “Hey! You’re the Facebook girl aren’t you!?” OMG are you freaking serious? He says, “You’re pretty famous around here.” Nurse after nurse walked through looked at me and smiled really big at me and came over to thank me for what I am doing. Creating awareness and sharing my story. Bam. This is EXACTLY what I’m here for! Early detection IS saving LIVES.
Who the shit is this happy after waking up from surgery…this girl is from hearing all of that
Here I am as I’m waiting for the nurses to set my bed up. Bj was walking down the hall as they were rolling me down and didn’t even comprehend it was me until we were about 5 feet away from each other. He goes, “Holy hell! I didn’t think you’d be back for another hour!” As you can see in this picture above me, that black blob against the white is my Mom on the phone..she didn’t even know I was there until I was set up in my new bed!! Dr. Berg did an amazing job.
So for some reason, the thermometer didn’t like my mouth, so she had to go old school and go under my arm.
And then here’s me letting you all know on facebook I’m all good!
See that white bandage on my shoulder? That’s where the port is.
So things went fine that day. Mom left at night and Bj stayed with me..sleeping on those port-bed-chairs..that’s when things took a big turn. I was in pain. I felt delirious. The nurses were keeping up on my pain medicine, but I still had this deep, deep nerve pain in my arm. So they kept giving me morphine every two hours. I’m honestly getting nauseous reliving all of this right now. I wanted to go into full detail, but I’ll just put in bullet points what all I encountered from the morphine:
- Skin Rash (this wasn’t visible but I nearly tore through my skin through my entire body from scratching so hard)
- Blisters (I got a blister under my right arm)
- Nasal Congestion
- Bronchospasm
- Anaphalaxis
I was convulsing. Tears running down my face, but I wasn’t crying. I couldn’t breathe. No nurse was around. One nurse ran in and checked my vitals…UM. I CAN’T BREATHE..”Well, your heart-rate is fine so you’re not having a heart-attack” NO SHIT! Figure this out now!! I can’t speak, I’m tearing at my skin, my throat is closing up and I’m breathing like these are my last breaths…nurses in and out..really not getting it. Then one nurse goes, “I think she may be allergic to the morphine.” BINGOThey gave me an anti nausea IV cause I was so freaking sick. But I couldn’t puke. I felt HORRIBLE. Migraine, sweating, cold…shit I’m honestly getting sick again..YOU GET THE POINT
bad. bad. bad. bad. My nurse had to wait for Dr. Berg to get out of surgery to prescribe me dilaudid, treats moderate to severe chronic pain. This medicine is a narcotic analgesic, an opioid.
Here’s me trying not to die. Concentrating on breathing. Once the dilaudid came through…dude. I was on cloud nine. No more pain, and it knocked me on my ass. Finally, I was able to sleep.
36 Responses to “Post Op: Axillary Lymph Removal + Pathology Results”
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Gloria Gayner.
Poor girl, I’m sorry you felt even worse than you should’ve post surgery because of your allergic reaction. One thing I noticed going on so many appointments with my mom is how very obvious it is when a person loves their job. I was sadly disappointed with many nurses who were not friendly or observant. But I appreciate so much more now the nurses who are doing what they’re doing because they truly love it. Who wants to wipe asses for a living (oh wait, I do that almost everyday)?! I will always remember one nurse Mom had. She had such a lisp (poor thing) and wore a scrub skirt (I think she was Mennonite). I don’t remember her because of those two things, I remember her because she was so caring and gentle towards my mom and you could tell she honestly cared about people she had never meet or will probably never see again. I hope you have encountered people like this who have taken care of you! Maybe my mom wasn’t famous enough
Love you Alyssa. It is amazing to me that you remember all of whats going on. Thank you for sharing your life! I check your blog every day and learn so much about medicine and the human spirit.
Alyssa, My heart goes out to YOU and your Family. YOU are truly an inspiration to All. Your updates are incredible. Thank You for sharing your story and letting people know your NEVER to young. Our Thought and Prayers continue to be with You. Be strong and show this cancer who is boss. Love ya P.S. Looking forward to getting a sweatshirt as soon as they are available.
Thank you God!!! YipeeeIkiaaaaa!!!
Alyssa,
I am inspired by you and everything you are going through, I lost my favorite Aunt to this hellasious disease when I was 7. I watched her suffer she had no answers , no support and unfortunatly she did not survive. I am so positive that you will pull through this and you are helping other women by posting this. Please keep it up, I am sure you will help others feel a sense of connection and it will help them get through this as well. Keep your strength, and keep your faith. May God bless you and all of your family. God Speed.
Tracy Hart ND
You sweet, sweet girl. Read this with tears in my eyes, marveling at your braveness and wondering how many people you will touch and help.
Then I got to three important words, ‘no more cancer’
Thank you, God. Thank you.
Oh you are so courageous, strong, an inspiration and beautiful as all hell. I am so glad they figured out it was the morphine. My mom has a port also. Its a lot easier then finding a vein each time and the chemo is harsh on your veins so this is so much better for you. I hope you have a speedy recovery from this surgery also. I hope all the nausea stops asap. Keep up your strong will and you are always in my prayers. Oh and I always wanted to pet a cow. The animals knew to come see a great person. Take care
I copy and pasted it so I believed what I saw….
Pathology report came back NEGATIVE!! No more cancer…hopefully…now just the chemo awaits me
YES!!!! Skol Alyssa! Go Puke, be happy, be safe, be loved, be blessed and although there is a long road is still ahead, ever winding with twists and turns, you know how to walk it, and the cows are there to visit, until you are strong enough to run agani! You’re over the hump….I feel it!
Alyssa,
Negative pathology report…YA friggin’ HOO!! Your strength,beauty, perseverance and education for self and others never ceases to amaze me. Hope your recovery continues to go well, I’m always praying for you and your family. Love Ya girlie!!
Lisa
p.s. Hearing about you petting a cow makes me smile. It brought me back to being a kid and staying weekends at my grandparents farm and chasing the cows all over in hopes of petting one.
So looking forward to the day when we can literally run together and both be cancer free! You are so good at putting your feelings into words, it’s so amazing! Everything you’re experiencing puts me right back into the moment and I’m so thankful I survived! And I know without a doubt you will too – thank you for sharing this and helping to save lives!
Amazing!!! I just cannot get over your strength….if only I had half of yours. You are, without a doubt, a cancer ass kicker!
Thank you for sharing. It’s weird how comforting it is for all of us to read these blogs and see how you’re doing. You are strong and we are praying… For strength, peace, and wisdom for you, the doctors, and nurses. Much love to you, Beautiful.
GOD BLESS YOU – you are one tough cookie
Stay strong. Thanks for keeping us all up to date. Thinking of you and sending prayers your way.
No more cancer!!! YAY! Yay sounds so stupid, because it doesn’t even begin to describe the excitement I’m feeling for you at that news, but YAYAYAYAYAYAY!
Keep up the fight because you’re touching lives EVERYWHERE! A good friend has been following this blog and had similar symptoms to some of your’s and she went to the doctor and grilled them with questions. She told them about YOU. Your blog is becoming so famous!
Love you!
Oh I am so happy to reqad cancer free!! God is good. Take it easy now so you heal quickly. Love to you and your family!
Gosh Allyssa…I don’t know you personally but thru your entries, feel as if I know your soul! Your honesty is incredibly moving…I laughed & cried…oh the visual of you climbing on the OR table…lol!! Don’t feel as if you need to stay strong…focus on healing & everyone around you will stay strong for you! And remember that it is in our most difficult times that God Carries you…prayers for your complete healing. God Bless!
I know I say this with every comment but you truly are a rock star. You are as real as they come, and because of that, you are a mentor to all dealing with cancer. Thank you for sharing this. I love the fact that you walked and met up with a cow, who honestly felt your anxiety and helped you to feel a moment of calmness! I continue to pray for you and your family!
How awesome! You are amazing I can’t imagin myself being able to stay so strong threw somthing like this! God promises that he will never let you go threw something that he doesn’t think you can handle! He must think you are one Kick Ass girl! Stay strong and always remember that you are an Amazing Wife, Sister, Mother Daughter and Friend! The devil must know that you are a big threat to him or he wouldn’t be fighting against you so hard. I know that you and your family will come out of this stronger and closer that ever ! Stay strong and keep kicking this cancers Ass! Love Blessings and Shalom(perfect peace) Sarah
Alyssa, you don’t know me, but I live in Ironwood and was ‘introduced’ to you thru Facebook friends. I marvel at your courage, and laugh with you in your ‘humanity’. Your attitude on life thru all of this is contagious, and for that I thank you! I wanted you to have this quote that I remember when I read your ‘story’.
We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, “Why did this happen to me?” unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way. ~Author Unknown
God Bless you Alyssa, continue to fight and know you are an inspiration to those you do not even know!
So happy for the cancer-free news! Hugs to you. And I hope all the news is good from here on! Don’t quite know what to say… your spirit blows me away. Love to you.
Just wanted you to know, I live in Shawano, am 53 years old and just had my surgeries in Nov. for stage 3 breast cancer and I am currently going through chemo. I also ad lymph nodes removed and had my second chemo round last week. Hang in there. I know what you are going through. This is hard and no one else realizes how horrible everything makes you feel and how we would give anything to just wake up in the morning and actually feel good. We will all get through this but it’s impossible for anyone to know our feelings both physically and mentally. Let me know if I can help in any way. I get mad too and I know you understand. Take care!
LOVE YOU!!! Brave warrior. You have your Mother’s power. Thank God you know how to use it! Rest. Balance.
Dear Alyssa,
I am Mary Hintze’s best friend. I have been going thru this with you since you started posting. You are such a strong woman and we all love the fact that you are sharing this with us. I myself having been going through a rough patch medically and because of you – I am stronger and more determined than every to beat my disease. I pray for you every day. Your husband should be so proud of you and you of him. You are such a wonderful couple with amazing kids. Hang on tight cause your ride will come to an end with you as the victor!!!!! God’s Blessing sent to you and your family, and thank you again. Amazing, Amazing Woman!!!!
“Facebook Girl”
gotta love it. And REALLY gotta LOVE your insanely awesome attitude through thick and thicker. You have got to be one of the strongest there is girl 
Even though you’re more tired than tired and sick and going through the hardest times imaginable you still manage to write your story and inspire so many of us. I know I’m inspired to be even more optimistic, more appreciative, stronger, more courageous and brave, to remember even on the bad days that I do love my job and to be thankful I have the opportunity to help people through rough, sick, and even happiest ever times (in OB 
), and most of all I’m inspired to just take what life throws at me and go with the flow. Thank-you Alyssa for being who you are! Feel better super fast wishes headed your way 
I recognize the blue inflatable bag…don’t ask!
Love reading this and being so much more informed!!xo, CZ
Wow. Glad you are past all of that. And a negative pathology report. Whoot whoot!!!!! Prayers for you and all your amazing family members.
Alyssa,
You are an inspiration to all women, young and old!! You just keep smiling and know that you are in my prayers. God is smiling down upon you:))
Sending angels,
Julie
Wow! Thank you for sharing ! You are an inspiration for all! Hugs and kisses.. High five to you! Love you Alyssa! Speedy healing to you!
Alyssa the strength, drive, and love surrounding you will give you strength through the lows and give you power through the highs to overcome this cancer. Kudos to all those standing by your side, following your story, learning from you and sharing your determiniation. A HUGE shout out to you, Will, your kiddos, and your family for sharing your strength, fears, spirit, outcomes, learning, questions, pains, happiness, etc You will persevere and those behind you will be that much smarter and stronger because of all that you are today, tomorrow and all the days to come thereafter!!! Thank you!
Wow, what a strong young lady you are. An inspiration to all of us who know we could not go through half of what you have. God leads us, and it seems he has a great mission for you that you are fulfilling with grace and dignity. Lead us. Will keep you in my prayers.
Alyssa;
No matter how long I sit here and think, I can find no words to adequately describe how frikken awesome you really are!!! You are beyond strong, a inspiration for all of us. God Bless You! I feel it is a true honor to be following your journey, and you have brought so much perspective to my life. Thank you for the gift you are! Congrats on the Negative report! I and my children will continue to pray for you! Stay strong, and God Bless!!
Sweet Alyssa,
I have been waiting for your update. Thank God NO MORE CANCER!!! I knew he had to hear all of our prayers!
Alyssa: As I read this, tears are streaming down my face, not because of the cancer but because your report came back saying no cancer. Hubby and I will pray for your continued uphill climb. Kim & Lew
Dear Alyssa, Great party last night at the Iron County Memorial Building. You’re looking awesome. I was so excited to win the 2013-2014 season pass at Indianhead Mountain. I continue to keep you in my prayers. God Loves You and So Do I. Deanna Pierpont, Mercer, WI